Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Monday, August 3, 2015
Friday, July 31, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
First Thoughts 07/29/2015
to see the whole series of parents of an addict please go tohttps://www.youtube.com/user/TheRoundboyRoom and please subscribe
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Monday, July 27, 2015
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Friday, July 17, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Friday, July 3, 2015
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Monday, June 15, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Monday, June 1, 2015
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
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Friday, May 22, 2015
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Friday, May 15, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Monday, May 4, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Friday, May 1, 2015
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Friday, April 24, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
The Day I found out I
was Fat
I’ve kind of always been a chubby guy. Even when I was in
High School and wrestled, I was a Roundboy at heart. It wasn’t until 2nd
grade that I was told I was fat. At first, I didn’t even know what it meant. I
knew what fat was, I trimmed it off my pork chops.
I went to The Birches Elementary School. It was a modern
building for its day, single story with lots and lots of surrounding area,
plenty of room for game fields, swing sets and eventual expansion. The Birches
Development was part of the new Washington
Township . It had sprung
up, as the locals would say, overnight.
The Birches were said to have been the best value for the
dollar as far as housing in the country during the late 60’s and early 70’s.
Cookie cutter Split level homes and acres upon acres of sprawling Ranch houses.
I believe it was a base price of $6400. Yup that’s Six Thousand Four Hundred.
You can’t get buried for that price today.
Anyways, I was a Cross Keys Kid; we grew up on the fringe of
the Township. Cut off on three sides by farm fields and “woods”. We were
associated more with Williamstown, the hamlet next door, than our own tax
revenue recipients but we were still Twp, through and through.
For some reason I still don’t quite understand, I was bussed
from one corner of the Municipality to the extreme other. I suppose gas was so
cheap they could care less about logistics. We literally passed by three other
district schools on our way. My kindergarten class met at Grenlock Elementary,
the very same institution my Dad had attended until being shipped to
Williamstown for High School. Yea my Mom and Dad predated Twp High. But that’s
a story for another day.
Mrs. Jones, my Dad’s 6th grade teacher…for three
years straight…met me as I rolled off the bus my first day. She reminded me of Lucille
Ball, a redhead with piercing green eyes. Her freckled skin stretched tightly
across perfectly structured bones. She had a kind face, but her eyes showed a
little fire inside of them. She looked like she was a lot of fun. I knew
instantly why my Dad revered her so; he had that same fire in his eyes. I could
see were a little bit of my Pop’s personality came from. She made me like
school, right off the bat, I enjoyed being a student.
Ok, so I was a fairly well adjusted, very happy, young
fella. Fast forward a few years to Mrs. Burroughs Class, my second grade
teacher. She was the classic 60’s teacher. If you visited the school and saw
her in the hall you would immediately think, “There goes the Librarian”. Horned
rimmed, bedazzled glasses with a bead necklace connected to the frames hung
draped around her sweater clad shoulders. Her sensible shoes looked
uncomfortable, but not worn. You could tell they would go directly in the
closet upon arriving home and her house shoes were fully engaged. She always
wore a dress, below the knee, always a calming pattern. Mrs. B was a sharp
dresser for her day.
One Monday morning, after the Pledge of Allegiance and God
Bless America ,
Mrs. B informed us that we would be sent down to the Nurse’s Office to be
weighed, measured and get our eyes checked. Groups of 3, in no particular order
were chosen. My buddy Al went with Sonya Myers, my very first crush, I liked
girls, I liked them a lot. Andy Yoder was added and the 3 ventured out the
classroom door down the hall and turned the corner.
They disappeared into the abyss of the 3rd and 4th
grade Hall. The stretch of corridor that was the longest in the building,
especially to a 2nd grader, at times it seemed endless. Three
quarters of the way down on the left was the main entrance to the school. An
all glass front wall with two large doors jutted out between the Nurse’s and Main
Offices.
In about ten minutes the three returned. I saw their
adjacent seated peers leaning in and asking what it was like. I didn’t want to
know. I wanted the entire experience to be vivid and fresh, untainted by other’s
observations. I remember wishing in my head with my chubby little fingers
entangled and pulled to my chin, “Two girls please send me with two girls!!”
I had 3 baby sisters, my Mom, My Nanny, I was surrounded by
women. They were my audience, once I poured on the charm; they melted in my
hands. I was confident. I was outgoing. I was fearless. Sure enough, Mrs. Borough’s
called my name. I raised my eyebrows and scanned the room. My eyes locked on
Chris Gormley, a sweet girl that was always very athletic, an attribute that
gets my attention to this day. Sure enough, I heard her name. My heart started
to thump and I fidgeted in my chair, sitting on my feet, doing my best to
contain myself.
Then, I heard the second name. Kim Clay, my next door
neighbor. Barely a girl, but she would do. Now, before you say, jerk and stop
reading, trust me, I grew to regret that remark. Kim became a knock-out that
had thrown me right on my ass in the friend zone. Yuck!
The three of us walked out the door and down the hall. As we
turned the corner, the long hallway seemed to stretch to Philadelphia . I thought it would take the
rest of the day to reach our destination. We passed the 3rd and 4th
grade classrooms. The kids looked like adults to us, no way only a year or two
older. The journey was finally nearing its end as we passed by the Janitor’s
Closet.
Our trio turned the final corner and the light shining
through the front windows blinded us for a second. I’m not sure that was the
reason, but a whole lot of my classmates wore glasses until middle school, I
guess their retinas had healed by then.
We entered the room. It smelled like alcohol and band aids.
Mrs. Spiars was our nurse. A middle aged lady dressed all in white. Some days
she wore a skirt but it wasn’t odd to see her wearing slacks. When she wore
them I would think to myself, “Get your fudgey wudgey here!” and I would
giggle. The irony of this observation was about to rear its ugly head, too bad
I didn’t get the joke until now!
Chris went first, and then Kim and finally I took the eye
test and passed. Then in the same order we stood tall against a chart on the
wall. Mrs. Spiars would comment, “Grew an inch and a half since last spring Kim…you’re
like a little weed!” and “Chris, you’ve grown an inch, soon you’ll be as tall
as your Mommy!”
I stepped on the scale last, expecting a comment on my
progress. Instead, I heard one of the most horrifying statements in my life.
“Jimmy Graham, whoa…that’s it!! NO MORE ICE CREAM!!”
My eyes flew wide, I couldn’t find any air, and I felt a
flush of warmth cover my face.
“NO MORE ICE CREAM??”
I turned and looked at the girls that both had their hands
covering their mouths, unsuccessfully holding back their laughter. I still didn’t
feel embarrassed. I was confused. What had I done? Why was I being punished? I
couldn’t understand it. Why Ice Cream??
We went back to our class. I was silent on my way down the
hall and for the next two lessons. I just kept pondering over and over. Why?
The only thing that snapped my stupor was the lunch bell. It rang and like one
of Pavlov’s dogs I stopped what I was doing and prepared to have lunch.
I loved school lunches. Pizzaburgers being at the top of my
list and today was Pizzaburger day. I quickly forgot about the ice cream and concentrated
on the delicious aroma of them delicious delectables. I ate my lunch and then
it hit me. I couldn’t have any ice cream. I began to cry. One of the lunch
ladies, Mrs. Zaraziki saw me and came right over. She knew of me as a happy go
lucky kind of kid and this way off base.
“Jimmy, what’s wrong honey?”
“Mrs. Spiar’s said I can’t have any more ice cream, snork…snork!!”
“Mrs. Spiar’s said that? I’ll be right back!”
Mrs. Zarazicki went over to the teachers’ lunch line and
asked Mrs. Spiars why I couldn’t have any ice cream. I saw them talking and
then move inside to speak with the cafeteria ladies. This was getting serious.
I quietly left my lunch table and stood just outside the entrance to the
kitchen. I heard this exchange.
“Jimmy was crying and said you told him he couldn’t have any
more ice cream. Does he have a medical condition? Is that why?”
Mrs. Spiar’s kind of laughed and said, “No, No, No…he’s just
fat, so ladies no more ice cream for Jimmy”
My knees buckled when I heard this! I was FAT? No I wasn’t…was
I? Oh man, this really sucks!” I tried to hold it in but all this information
at once, I just couldn’t stop it, I blurted out, “Ahhhh Crud!!!” I saw two
heads pop out of the doorway. Mrs. Spiars and Mrs. Zarazicki both looked down
at me and they both showed a bit of panic.
“How long have you been standing there Jimmy?” Mrs. Spiars
stuttered.
“Long Enough” I uttered as I walked back to my seat with my
hands in my pockets and feet shuffling. I had just heard it…I was FAT! My
entire life I had thought of myself as nothing more than a kid. Now I was a fat
kid. I could hear the cafeteria ladies awwwing as I walked away.
From that day on I aware of my size, I knew I was a
Roundboy. I was actually cool with it, because you see the cafeteria ladies
just loved this chubby little man. Until the day I graduated to middle school,
they gave me what they called the Teachers Lunch…double helpings…cause of
course I wasn’t allowed Ice cream.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Friday, April 3, 2015
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, March 30, 2015
The Ride To AC
The Ride to Atlantic City
Since I was just a kid, I’ve been enjoying AC. My Pop Pop
was a member of the Lion’s Club, which held its convention in my favorite shore
town. The whole family would squeeze in the vista cruiser, luggage piled high
on the roof rack, sturdied with jute twine my Dad got at Two Guys Department
Store.
Down the Pike we would ramble, my family called the Black
Horse Pike merely the “Pike”, as if it was the only one. Even though , only a
few miles down the road was the White Horse Pike, which would take you to AC as
well, but because in the 60’s and 70’s the world was a lot smaller, it was out
of site, out of mind.
I remember hearing a story about two Indian Chiefs.
Apparently they both fell for the same Squaw. So they both battled to the
death, with White Horse and Black Horse gone, 42 braves vied futilely for the
hand of said young princess. Her constant harassment drove her to throw herself
from the top of Cherry Hill . Well, something
like that.
Anyway…my family took the Pike to Atlantic City . Even though we were Jersey native’s that day we were “Shoobies”. A term we
locals used for the great summer migration of Philadelphia folk that would jam their Cadillacs
and Monte Carlos with half their worldly possessions for a long weekend. It
wasn’t out of the ordinary to see a BBQ grill on top of a station wagon sitting
in traffic a block from my house…on the Pike.
This was the convention; so many bags were needed to carry
my Nanny’s make up and clothes. She was a simple, modest lady most of the time.
But when my Nanny went out, she always looked like Royalty. She wore hats with veils
that just fit her look and personality when they were on her head. I remember
thinking how different she looked, the same lady that schlepped around in a
house dress and slippers making crab cake and the best Mac and Cheese the world
has ever tasted.
My Pop Pop loved his beer. Keeping a case of Pabst in the ice
box, as he referred to the refrigerator and a case of Piel’s next to it. Guess
he liked a cold beer, but once in a while liked it room temperature. I’m
thinking it was his upbringing and the fact when he first tasted the quaff it
was probably long before the Frig. So we would stop off before we left at Tony’s,
a guy that lived on Whitman Drive .
He had a small, less than legal, beer distributorship out of his garage. My
Nanny used to call it hot beer. Illegal is what she meant.
Pop Pop would buy a few cases and then always get me
something extra. You see, Tony also worked for a big printing agency. He had
corvette books that I still have on my shelf today. He would once in a while
get an entire run off of Topp’s Baseball cards; it was cool because they weren’t
cut yet. The cards were on a 3x4’ sheet which hung on the wall in my room for
years…well, until Farrah’s famous nipple poster came out…after that it was all
her.
So onward we traveled, my sister Dawn and me facing the
traffic behind us in the infamous back seat. We had to share the two seater
with the beer of course. We didn’t mind, most of the time we would put them
under us making them booster seats so we could see the drivers behind us
better.
I showed my naïve baby sister the international honk sign
for truckers. She would smile from ear to ear and with a bent elbow pump her
fist up and down and the trucker’s would honk and wave. It absolutely delighted
her. Of course being her big brother and almost 4 years her senior, I saw a
tremendous opportunity to have some unsupervised fun.
I told my sister that it was customary to wave with your
thumb on your nose while riding backwards in a car. She bought it. We would
stop at a light and I would say to my gullible little sister, “Go head, wave!” She
threw her hand up to her face and wiggled her little fingers like she was
playing a trumpet.
The expression on the faces of the unsuspecting drivers was
priceless. Within one second they went from, “Awww How Cute” to “Little Brat”.
I was having the time of my life. I was the puppet master and the show was
awesome. But, of course being me, I needed to take it to the next level. Push
that envelope, why not? So I took Dawny’s hand in mine and curled back all of
her fingers. All of them that is, but the middle one.
“Wave” I encouraged. Of course she was eager to comply. As
cars got close enough to us, folks would wave to her and I. Cept this time they
were greeted by the “bird”. Now let’s just take a second to remind everyone
this was the 60/70s the bird carried a lot more weight back then.
Twice cars sped up and passed us, as they reached the front
window they would point to the back of the wagon and shout something incoherent,
thankfully. At one point my Grandfather pulled over thinking that maybe our
load had somehow shifted or we lost something as we hit the last pothole.
There I sat, holding in my laughter. We looked so innocent
and my Pop Pop and Dad so confused. Ah this was glorious, the rush of thinking
I was caught, followed immediately but the satisfaction of knowing I wasn’t was my first taste of comedy
gold…I loved it!
Although I would soon learn that that was about to end as we
once again took to the Pike. Finally able to laugh without drawing suspicion,
tears began to run down my face. I was in a state of euphoria I had never felt
before in my slight 7 years.
As I held my face in my hands and wiped away the salty water
from my cheeks I was interrupted by the sound of a police siren practically in
my lap. I looked up and through the blur I saw my baby sister with both hands
plastered against the rear window, two birds for the price of one. The State
Trooper was shaking his head as we pulled to the shoulder for the second time
in 5 minutes.
As the officer exited his cruiser and popped on his Yogi
Bear hat, I could do nothing but swallow and utter “Uh-Oh”. The Statey walked
up to the driver’s window. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but to this day I
swear I felt my family’s eyes burning through the back of my head. I was in for
it. I knew it, and was ready for my punishment.
I heard the common call, “JIMMY!! What do you have your
sister doing back there?” I answered the way any 7 year old would, “Nothing”.
Dawn unbuckled herself and spun around kneeling on the case of beer. She gave a
toothy smile and proceeded to throw both birds in the air again accompanied by
a sweet “Hello”
“Jimmy Graham!!!” My elders all chimed in unison. I shrunk
in my seat trying to somehow hide in the crack between the seat and seatback. I
heard as the back window began to crank down and I saw the policeman and my
parents standing next to him. In my little head I was thinking, “This is it! I’m
going to jail!!”
The officer bent down to get closer to me, more than likely
to say “That wasn’t a good idea Pal”. Before uttering a word he saw what we
were sitting on. He asked, “Are you two sitting on cases of beer?”
I quickly broke down and through my wails I blurted, “It’s
my job to watch the beer we get at Tony’s garage because my Nanny said it’s hot!!”
The Trooper turned to my Pops and I watched a very little seen smile stretch
across his thin lips. “Its…he…I…we…ummm…” The Trooper shook his head and retorted
simply, “Figures Shoobies!…Get out of here!”
The rest of the ride was silent, and I’m really not sure how
he did it. But my Pop Pop drove the rest of The Pike all the while staring at
me in the rearview mirror.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Monday, March 23, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Friday, March 13, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Saturday, March 7, 2015
First Thoughts 03/07/2015
Yea yea I know its march not November...looked outside before the coffee kicked in!!
Friday, March 6, 2015
Thursday, March 5, 2015
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